my conclusion - I really DON'T like to cook! Anyone else??

[butterfly]

Anyone else really not enjoy cooking??

I wasn't sure where to post this, so I am going to rant here just a little. I have come to the conclusion that I just don't like to cook. I have been doing it for over 30 years now and it is a sore subject. DH comes from a background where food=love, so my lack of expertise in the kitchen has NOT been a positive source of discussion through the years. My mom wasn't much of a cook either - there were a few standard meals that got rotated and I am much the same. But I get so I bore MYSELF with the same things!

Tonight I actually made a frozen lasagna out of desperation. DH was pouting and giving looks as he walked by the living room later where DD and I were, and I finally asked in a lighthearted way what was wrong. He was unhappy with the size of his serving, but I think it was really because he knew that it was a frozen meal - a no-no in his mind.

I am not what I cook, but since I know he equates it that way in his mind, I let it get to me from time to time. It's like every homemaker is supposed to be a good cook, and it just doesn't work that way. I shouldn't let it get to me, but for some reason, it did tonight. Everyone knew I was having trouble coming up with an idea, and the others actually liked the lasagna, but, he was unhappy, and made sure I knew it. Oh, well...

[Bama]

There's nothing wrong with frozen lasagna and it sure beats preparing it homemade in a time crunch or just because!

I get bored b/c I run out of ideas. I go back and forth between cooking big meals and wanting to heat up something fast.

If dh wants a homecooked meal, tell him to cook it. Why should the burden be on you? To any answers...I say tough noogies! My dh was always pretty good about me doing what I wanted and just going with the flow. About a year ago he started implying that I was supposed to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner AND do everything else on top of it. That's when it became routine for me to not cook much at all. He's lucky just to get a well balanced dinner b/c of that kind of attitude. Fortunately (I suppose, I don't really care) he doesn't fuss. Wouldn't do any good and he knows it. When will people learn that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar?

Can you tell it's a sore spot with me? I don't want people to "expect" me to do anything when I haven't shown an inclination for it. I can be just as stubborn as they can and I can outlast them.

Not much of a pep talk, LOL, but that's my two cents.

Hugs!

[funmumlu]

... and another thing!! ...

... don't people realise it takes as long to prepare a meal that doesn't work than one that is a success???? We still deserve the same appreciation for going to the trouble of providing a meal!

butterfly, I bet frozen lasagne was a real treat for some of you - it would be here - far more reliable than my cooking!! (we just find pre-prepared food tastes salty now, having got used to reducing salt in home cooking - but even that is a guilty treat for the tastebuds!)

DH is very practical, can serve up big portions of hearty food with no stress. trouble is that the DDs no longer like hearty stodgy stuff - I eat it out of politeness, they leave the chips (fries) and half their portions, he gets annoyed! DS7 still wants kids food but poor child has been presented with family food since he was tiny. Sometimes I relent and do him the fish fingers and little sausages he prefers - intead of some slimy saucy dish. (
he got very grumpy yesterday because his sausages were covered with "filth" - DH had experimented with onion gravy - and wanted them cleaned! he didn't get away with being so stroppy, but secretly you had to laugh!)

I'm not a natural cook either, my mum was all for 60's convenience cheats and plain meals, but I do like it when I get a framework going - I loved Gillian McKeith's You Are What you Eat series (even if she is a scary lady) and only eating good things certainly does affect your well-being. I also like being told what to do - eg Leanne's menus are fun in that you have someone else to blame/ credit for unusual meals - but more often than not I just lurch from day to day using whatever is there, fitting round busy evening schedules ...

But I also know that DH would in his heart like a big hearty meal served every evening (= love?) and the rest of us want something interesting/ fun and healthy, and I can't please everyone.

He does Thur and Fri meals plus some of the weekend meals ... better find out who's cooking tonight or there'll be that 6pm showdown where one on us eventually cracks and does that "why is it always me" drama bit!

I'm training the DDs to get Tuesday's - we're all over the place on Tues - they have become very proficient at heating up pizzas! (DH doesn't think much of pizzas so he often does his own when he gets in later).

I often think how bizarre it is for all of us down our street and every other street spending several hours every evening preparing, eating, clearing up after our own little meals and what an inefficient use of time and energy this is - how could we spread the load?

[Bookmom]

Butterfly,

Have you always not liked to cook, or is it that you are just freakin' tired of it after all these years? I go in and out of phases, pretty much situationally based. Home full-time when the kids were small, I enjoyed it. Later, with a full-time job and both boys in sports, I hated it. I'm back to enjoying it now that it's just DH and me at home during the school year. Of course, with only two of us I really only have to cook 3-4 days a week and we eat leftovers on the other days. I learned to be organized with meal planning, (Don't hate me!) and it has helped keep the whole process manageable. I don't get home from work in the evening until 6PM, but I have generally done most of the prep work in advance. Also, the slow cooker is one of my best friends!

My DH also came from a family where food=love. On the other hand, that "love" has created many, many health issues with his parents and siblings. Obesity, hypertension, heart attacks, diabetes, you name it, they've got it. An anecdote to illustrate...One year I mentioned to my MIL that my younger son just loved fresh steamed broccoli. So....the next time we went over for dinner, she served fresh broccoli - steamed for about 25 (!!) minutes until it was mush. She then encouraged him to cover said vegetable with Cheeze Whiz negating any nutritional value still remainging in the overcooked broccoli.

Funmum, I just had to laugh about your comment that it takes just as long to prepare a flop as it does a success. Fortunately, my DH is never openly critical, and he will wait for me to suggest that that particular meal probably should not make a repeat performance!

And RE the frozen lasagne. I make a MEAN lasagne, but we haven't seen one around here for years. Lasagne is very labor-intensive, and even with my good planning, I don't have that kind of time. Stouffer's is another one of my good friends.

[butterfly]

Boy, I'm sure glad that posted and found out I'm not alone in the feeling. I think that subconsciously I've absorbed some of DH's negative talk about this, and figured every other woman does this happily and well!

I love your thought process, fun, that it's a waste of time for every household to be going through this dilemma each and every day. Truth be told, my favorite time of year with this whole thing is when DH has to work evenings from the end of May to the beginning of Aug! It is SOOOO stressfree for me since he gets dinner at work 4 days a week during that time. I can cook, not cook, whatever I want - it's WONDERFUL!!!!

I mentioned yesterday to DH that he should surprise us and cook something and he said that the last time he cooked was when he was on his own some years back, and that he discovered that even when he tried, he would end up hungry and that he didn;t do well with it. I pointed out to him that must mean that some people just aren't great cooks even when they try to be, but I'm sure that was lost on him.

Thanks for letting me vent on this and also for the two of you sharing with me that you have similar feelings. Bama, as you can tell, this is a VERY sore spot for me as well - it's so frustrating that DH equates it with love and doesn't see my love for him in other ways. But, that's another issue, and a result of both his mood disorder and upbringing. I don't think his family showed love for one another in a lot of ways, so food was that subsitute in their minds, know what i mean? It's wired into him, and there's no changing it. I do my best, but it's important that I don't put negative talk on myself because of it. Someone that's wired that way is not going to be happy, no matter what. They are too focussed on external, not internal.

I think I may come here and vent more often when I need to, knowing that others undertstand. that will help me. Thanks again, ((((((((bama and fun)))))))) ! This has been really helpful!

[Webwoman]

It's interesting that he equates food with love, but does not show love by preparing food for others....... Nor does he show love by expressing gratitude for the effort that was made to give him food.

His attitude would irk me too........

[countrycook]

Butterfly- interesting topic and thoughts. I have to admit that even though 90 % if the time I love to cook, I absolutely hate the clean-up,and I don't get any help with it. So, sometimes, that discourages me from cooking.
Now that there's only the two of us here, I usually do at least one or two double meals a week , freeze part and we eat the other for 2 meals. Also- I don't do as much big cooking and freeze ahead as I used to , but that's a big help too.

[mamabear]

Well i guess me adding this will be a shock to you all.... I hate and I mean hate cooking!!! LOL

I adore baking, give me a recipe and I will bake the heck out of it. A recipe for any sort of food is fine but tell me to take chicken and make something and I am in a poor mood.

DH cooks and actually enjoys it. He should have been a chef!!! He loves it and loves trying new things with or without a recipe.

My mom as well had a set thing, beef,pasta or burgers with fries. Every single sunday we had burgers. If we accidentally had them on monday I'd think that tuesday was monday because burgers were always sunday meal.


DH cooks when he is home and I clean although I have come to the conclusion as well that i dont like cleaning up either ROFL!!!

I try to plan as much as possible so that I have meals for the week and that is what i do. So there is always something different or left overs.

I do cook big meals so that I freeze stuff and we use that as well. In my house you will have frozen lasagna but it would have been made by me first then frozen. My kids love it.

My dh use and still does but at the time when he use to come home and eat he would say "this could have used _______" or "this would be great with _________ in it" I hated when he said that stuff. I just hated it with a passion thinking that what ever I cook just isn't good enough for him and he has to fix it up so it tastes better.

A long time ago he saw the look on my face when he said that (i was PMS'ing and i couldn't hold my feelings). He said why would you think it would be something bad. I explained that I thought he just didn't like it. He said "if i didn't like it, i'd say just that" LOL (and he would to). Then he said "i never said it stank I suggest things because I know you think your cooking stinks and I thought you would want to know that it was good and that if you played a little with it and added different things it could be great which is what you like to do... you know make great things". He was right. We all know I must make sure everyone eats well in my mom no matter who is in the house. I make great mommy foods but other dishes although I dont want perfection I want to be able to not freak out over adding something to it. So he thought he was doing something good by telling me. And know that I knew that is what he was doing I adore it.

He still does better at it because he has passion for it. Me, i'm get it cooked get it in and get out of my kitchen LOL

There have been a time or two or three or more that I have totally screwed something up and dh says OMG what did you do, and I am there with this face of OMG I can't believe i just did this and he says well lets fix it. And he fixes it or he says lets order something. I dont think but once we had to order out because it was unfixable.

As far as your dh is concerned again he shouldnt do what he does mood order or not, meds should be able to help him with that so unless he is going to cook he should be greatful that he has a wife that is able to cook or order out or do anything at all. Just like any woman should be greatful for a man cooking for her. (like me on days I dont wanna )

[KeyboardKat]

I don't enjoy cooking (never have), but I am a pretty good cook. Mr. KK also falls into food=love crowd (guess it's a man-thing). On the other hand, he likes to cook and is also a good cook. He cooks the meats and I do the other part. No - he never cleans up anything.

Strangely enough, I love to read cookbooks and collect recipes that I never intend to cook.

[mamabear]

OK I know this is a long shot but I had to say this and I hope that it gives Butterfly a big laugh..

Butterfly I know your dh has issues with mood disorder and stuff but did you ever think that he is just being a man? OMG that would solve everything... ROFL Men can be such ummmm how should I put this ever so gently...hmmmmm yeah I can't put it gently.. Men are just a bunch of men and act that way in general. At least most of them do, they don't mean to do it most of the time I bet they don't even know they do it..

Remember "men are from mars" "women are from venus"

NOTE: this was just something I thought about when I saw my book (yes i have on and dh bought it for me 10 years ago) so I had to say something because well it struck me funny.

Just hoping to get a giggle out of ya and anyone else going through "omg why is he acting that way at the moment" right now.

Oh and I also wholeheartedly believe that men also PMS just like we do. Start writing things on your calendar or somewhere as to any mans mood. I bet you find a pattern. Testosterone just like estrogen makes changes in the body and you will find that although men don't have a menses their body sure do change with the different times that their Testosterone level changes. Remember low T levels will make them weak and tired. High T levels will bring anger and uncontrolling issues they wont understand nor will they know that it is happening to them. JUST LIKE us when we have too much or too little Estrogen. I never knew I had Low estrogen till I had to go to a fertility dr. about my thyroid. You never know!!!....There are millions of men out there that suffer from low/high T levels and they never get it checked out via a blood test. Just a thought as well.

Hugs and thinking of you and your cooking as I am sitting here working on my menu.

[butterfly]

LOL - mamabear - I once heard how men suffer from PMS as well - Permanent Male Stupidity! No argument from me on that one!

It was good to hear about all of your experiences - and I'm learning there are more and more guys who enjoy cooking. DSyounger enjoys it, and was giving me some tips last night for things to try when he moves out at the end of the week. That was so cute! I told him not to worry, that we won't starve! His concern was because DH doesn't like leftovers and also is not enthusiastic about our eating out. I think I may just have to get braver about trying recipes, get a book or go online for cooking for one or two recipes, and DH will at least have to acknowledge the effort. I think the part that I need to get an agreement about, is that I don't want to cook dinner 7 days a week. Everybody needs a break, myself included. If I know that there is a break included, it'll be much easier to handle.

I'm less worried right now - I just figure that I'll work it out - and maybe since I'll only have one person's likes/dislikes to work around, it'll go smoothly. I'll keep you posted, but I so appreciated all of your input and hearing about your experiences. I'm glad that I'm not alone in not having a love of cooking!

[Recovering SHE]

I came from a family that used a lot of Hamburger Helper, Stove top, and Bisquick. Dh's mother made everything from scratch. My Mil's attitude was "I made it from scratch and therefore I am better thaneveryone". However, my MIL's uppity atitude made me feel very insecure. So in my newlywed days, I was determined tobe just as good as she was, because, in my mind, I felt that DH's side of the family equated convenience with failure.( Hey I ws only 21) In truth,over the years, I learned that while Dh does prefer homemade everything, he isn't all that picky, and will eat whatever is put in front of him, pretty much.
And, not to brag, but I did become a great cook with minimal ease. I can now make excellent pie crust, homemade chiken and noodles, and lasagna, spaghetti sauce,al lfrom scratch.


Over the years,however, my MIl's opinion of me has meant less and less ton me, because (for many other rasons unrelated to this topic) I learned a long time ago that I will never get her full approval. I will always be inferior to her, in her mind, because she HAS to believe that she is betterthan anyone in order to survive her miserable life. And when I came to that conclusion, I decided to not try to attempt perfection and to simply my own life. In so doing I learned that certain brands of spaghetti sauce are ALMOST as good as my own (Aldi Grandessa brand chunky marinara is wonderful), that nobody really care about homemade pie crust anymore so why should I, and thathomeamade lasgna and from scratch mashed potatoes are for special ocasions only. AND ANYWAY, the most important reason I stopped going above and beyonf all the time is becuae m family, meaning my IMMMEDIATE, family(DH me, our two girls) usually don't give a hoot as long as what they are being fed is reasonably edible. those are the opinions that should matter and no one else's.

And I am so veryglad thatI have that attitude, since I now work. I don't really like Hamburger helper , but won't bat an eye any more over canned chili and beef stew. If I think mashed potatoes would be a good side dish with a meal that I am making during the week, those mashed potatoes are coming from a box, not a 10 lb bag. I still make my homemade mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving, but Goodness, I'm not pulling out all the stop for alousy side dish that we eat during the week.

Anyway,I know I CAN cook, but am perfectly OK with not cooking all the time. I think my attitude towards meal prep is better than it was when I was a newlywed, because I cook what I enjoy eating and don't spend anymore time in the kitchen that I want to.I don't bend over backwards out of obligation. What I am saying is, being able to make a meal from scratch is a terrific accomplishment, but it isn't necessary in this day and age,nor is it even practical most of the time. No one should expect you to make anything more complicated than you want it to be , or beyond your abilities, anyway.


And, on the rare occasion that my Dh DOES whine because a meal came from a can and a box, I say "She who cleans up decides how much work goes into the meal" Live it, learn it love it, girlfriend.

I'm not sure that your Dh's sour attitude is because he thinks you don't love him if you don't slave over a hot stove. I think he's pouting because he didn't get his exact way and is using a little emotional blackmail. That's another issue altogether.

[butterfly]

I decided to dig this post up again, because I STILL DON'T like to cook!

I really don't eat meat anymore but DH does, so basically prepare two meals. I am perfectly content to make mine a healthier frozen dinner and save myself the fuss, but that is not an option for DH. The good news is that by late May, his schedule always changes so for 2 months, I don't have to worry about what I am making him for dinner 4 days of the week! That is bliss!!

If I ever could be truly pampered, someone else to do all the cooking would be my first choice! Ahhhh... I smile just imagining it! Forget about the way to a man's heart being through his stomach, just give me somebody who wants to be in the kitchen instead of me!

[Poppet]

I'm in here too....after 30 years....I'm "fed" up

[butterfly]

Have you found any strategies that help, poppet? I told DH tonight that I had no idea what to make for him, and had gotten a couple of cans of Hormel chili for him, which he sometimes makes for himself if I am away. He said not to worry, that he would take care of his dinner. I did tell him if he could think of anything he wanted, I would make it for him, but I was out of ideas. So, guess what he did when he was hungry a couple of hours later? Took himself out to dinner!

[Poppet]

Have you found any strategies that help, poppet? I told DH tonight that I had no idea what to make for him, and had gotten a couple of cans of Hormel chili for him, which he sometimes makes for himself if I am away. He said not to worry, that he would take care of his dinner. I did tell him if he could think of anything he wanted, I would make it for him, but I was out of ideas. So, guess what he did when he was hungry a couple of hours later? Took himself out to dinner!

You found the best strategie ever Love it!!!

We do eat out a lot more now ....although a little begrudgingly on his part. Seriously though, planning and as much b4 prep seems to be the best method for someone like me and keeping the menu simple.....it just getting me to do it It's always been a battle.....I cringe when I hear "whats for dinner"

[funmumlu]

I usually don't mind cooking for my DKs - they are happy to eat or snack or pick or whatever and I know what they like and they are appreciative.

DH cooks sometimes and knows what he likes and how he likes it done, so is a very unrewarding person to cook for, unless it's just right and then I resent having had to pander to his whims rather than do it how I like!! He's on call tonight so I made wholemeal pasta (which he doesn't like) with quorn mince (which he doesn't like - DD18 is being vegan for lent and the other 2 don't really notice the difference!) and Lloyd Grossman Pasta Sauce (which he doesn't like) and grated cheese and pesto - yummmmmm just a lovely quick easy warming tasty healthy meal (OK no fresh veg but fruit for dessert). There's left-overs but he'll probably do his own thing when he gets in!

I find the hardest thing is menu-planning, yet when I do it (or have a menu-mailer subscription which I did for a short while) life is so much more peaceful. I have a block about just sitting down and doing it though.

[sarshi]

Funny thing, I was just popping in to the Kitchen Discussion Board and found this thread. I needed an idea for supper.
My DH is fine - he'll eat anything that shows up for supper including a bowl of cereal now and then. But ASK him what he'd like to have and the response is along the lines of "whatever you want" or worse, just a shrug. I really think he thinks he's making life easier for me, but he isn't.
SO what's for supper tonight? I have no clue.

[Bloom]

I have been using a new plan for the past few weeks and I love it!

Sunday - Family Traditions Night (usually something Hungarian, because DH is Hungarian)
Monday - Comfort Food Night (usually mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and meat)
Tuesday - Italian Night (Pasta of course)
Wednesday - Fish or Meatless Night (Soups, fish, breakfast for dinner)
Thursday - Mexican Night (fajitas, nachos, tacos)
Friday - Pizza Night (homemade chicken, Alfredo, green onion and bacon pizza)
Saturday - Grill Night (Grilled meat and grilled vegetables)

And If I go to all the trouble to make the dinner, everybody that is in the house, must eat together at the family table. This makes cooking more worth it. I don't care if they don't like it. The fact that we are all together and enjoying each other's company is more important than anything else.

[AlleyKat]

Hi, Bloom, welcome to the SHE thread.

Wow, you might have something with your list. However, am I organized enough to use it? .

I don't mind cooking on the weekends when I have time, just hate to do it when I come in late from work. Thankfully, my hubby works sporadically, so he could be home for several days at a time, and he always has supper waiting for me when I get home . On the nights when we both work, we don't mind a frozen pizza at all!

When the girls were little and I was a stay at home mom, I cooked every night. Many times as supper approached, someone would ask, "What's for dinner?" and I would answer, "Experiment # 351". Sometimes we had wonderful meals, and once or twice I would throw out that experiment and we would have sandwiches for dinner. DH was also good natured about it, and now the girls laugh at some of my concoctions

[funmumlu]

lol , my experiments ended up in the freezer, labelled "Meals You Have Loved" or "Soups You Have Loved" (but obviously not enough to eat it all up! ) - my DDs told some DFs about our "Meals You Have Loved" nights where a selection of these delights would be presented for a second chance - I am famous for them now!

Bloom, lovely to meet you - great idea!

[Queenbrea]

Can I join the "I Hate to Cook" club, too? I love to bake goodies but other than that, forget it! DH can throw stuff together and it turns out great. I don't have that knack. I'm with several of you others, though. If I didn't have to clean it all up by myself maybe I would enjoy it more. We have leftover soup I am tempted to eat tonight but I know the kids won't eat any of it. They are all so picky! Monday nights I usually make it really easy. Here is what I usually do:

use half bag of frozen chicken breasts and pour italian salad dressing or something else on top. Bake at 350 degrees until done. Do a microwaveable green giant broccoli and cheese steamer bag of veggies, frozen rhoades rolls and cottage cheese. All done in about 15 min of prep. I like that! I change it a little but not much. You can use just about any salad dressing poured on chicken and it turns out good. I've done salsa, too, and that tastes just as well. Or how about a bag of prepared salad instead of broccoli and cheese? It looks like you spent awhile and you didn't.

[sarshi]

Welcome to the party.

If you like asian flavors, teriyaki sauce over the chicken would work, too. Maybe rice as the starch.

Yesterday I put a pork tenderloin in the slow-cooker and made some rice when I got home. Add a salad. Voila - supper is served.

[aussiejo]

I happen to love to cook BUT at the end of a busy working day it is a low priority and finding the energy to do it is not always there ... so here are my tricks

1. i plan my menus for the week - (this is not original - see the SHE book!)
2. i make sure that on most nights i have 'quick and easy' ... i look for these recipes in books etc
3. i spend 15 minutes AND NOT A MINUTE MORE working on dinner in the morning - this may mean chopping some onions, peeling some carrots, making a salad (but not dressing it), gettting out the (non meat) ingredients (spices etc) .... then when i walk in the door at night I have had all day to think about what delicious meal i'm having for dinner (tonight it's dry fried chinese beef - last night it was sung choi bow - that only takes 15 minutes including cooking time!) and it takes only about another 15 minutes to get dinner ready.
4. i break dishes like lasagne down into their component parts ... so make the meat sauce one day (it always tastes better the next day anyway) and make sure you make double and freeze some for spaghetti etc, then the white sauce the next morning (see 15 minute trick above) then i just assemble it all that night and bung it in the oven - or you could even assemble it that night, put it in the fridge and bung it in the oven the next night. i call it 'sneaking up on dinner' - works for me!

[sarshi]

Hi, jo - love the "sneaking up on dinner" thing!
I not only don't like to cook, I don't like to plan either. Maybe I need to get over it and just do it.